Secret Love
by RaydorCakes
Summary: My entry for the #raydordrawermystery ! The story is set between 8-10 years in the future. Sharon is now a retired Chief, Sharon and Andy are married, and Andy's cleaning out her office. What's the big secret of her drawer?


_A/N: This is just my spin on a prompt from the Shandy Shippers Facebook group :) It's all about the mystery of Raydor's desk drawer and what might be in it. Keep in mind, I'm not James Duff, nor do I own creative rights to the characters. Anything I write is purely my imagination!_

~oOo~

IMPORTANT INFORMATION BELOW!

•Story is set between 8-10 years in the future. Sharon and Andy are married, Sharon has retired, and Andy is cleaning out her office. Enjoy!•

It was brought to my attention that's I didn't put a warning in this story There will be a major character death

~oOo~

I carefully open the door of Sharon's office and let out a sigh, stepping through the threshold and closing the door. I lean against it and take a deep breath, running a hand through my hair. If there's one thing I never thought I'd do, it'd be cleaning out my wife's office.

It broke my heart to think about how empty her office had been the past month, how quiet the precinct had been without the click of her heels or the sound of her voice.

I love her, don't get me wrong, but people change. Feelings change. If there was something I could do to bring Sharon back to me, I swear I would. She's distant, cold. Foreign almost in the way she says my name, as though it isn't her but someone else. When I hold her in my arms I can feel the change too. She would always press herself close to me, we would soak in each others' presences and the love we shared. Now, when she is in my arms, she is small. Shriveled by the weight of the cancer eating at her. She is dying, it's as simple, and as complicated, as that. My wife, my love, the woman I spent so many years chasing was being taken from me, and instead of holding her while I still could, I was cleaning out her office.

I lean against the chair across from her desk and sigh, taking a deep breath. I don't want to do this. If her office is gone then her dying seems more final, like reality is grabbing me by the throat and forcing me to see the truth: She was dying and I couldn't save her.

I let out a puff of air and push myself up with a groan, my years finally catching up with me. I pick up the two chairs facing her desk and place them in the corner before finding some cardboard boxes. I sigh again and place the box on the desktop, walking to the cabinet and removing the contents.

I smile remembering the fond memories, the ones she cherished in picture frames. The day Rusty graduated college, our wedding day, the two of us with all of our children. I feel a tear start to form in my eye but I force it away. I can't cry, not now. I place the photographs in the box and return to the cabinet, removing a few more of its contents before walking back to the desk.

I can't help but chuckle as I place a Christmas angel into the box, the one I had given her as a gift the year her kids came home. I picked the angel because it reminded me of her, with long auburn hair and piercing green eyes. She informed me later that the angel I had picked was named Anabeil, and that she was calle d upon to cure stupidity. It was the little things like this I missed about my wife, the memories that we could no longer make.

Next I walk to the filing cabinet and open it, groaning when the contents fall to the floor. There's papers everywhere, only adding to my frustration. I kneel down and start to organize the papers when one catches my eye. It's written in messy handwriting, marked our wedding day, May 7, 2017. I start to read the letter when I realize who it's from.

_Sharon~_

_I know I screwed up a lot when we were younger, and when we were older, but I'm glad we've been able to find common ground. We might not always get along but I hope you'll see me as a friend if you ever need one. The kids are happy for you, and it's taken a while, but I'm happy for you too. After everything I put you through over the years, you deserve to be happy. Congratulations to you and Andy, and may your new marriage be better than your last._

_Love~_

_Jack xx_

I take a deep breath and rub my temples, why didn't she tell me he did this? I sit the note on her desk and gather the rest of the papers, picking them up and putting them through the shredder in the Murder Room.

There was only one thing left, her desk. In all the years I knew her, and all the years I've been married to her, she never let me open her desk. If she could be here with me now, she'd have frowned and pushed me out of the room, locked the door, and smirked at me through the windows before drawing the blinds. _God, I miss her and she isn't even gone yet._

_~oOo~_

I groan and fall into her desk chair, taking a deep breath and running a hand through my hair. My hand is shaking as I place it on the handle and slowly pull the drawer open. I'm surprised by how empty the drawer is and I feel a grin creep across my face as I think of the desk's previous occupant, Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson. Brenda's desk was always full of sweets, hard candies and those little chocolate cakes.

The emptiness of Sharon's desk breaks my heart. She was a Captain for almost four years, and a Chief until she retired. I thought she'd have more to show for it, but all she had was a near-empty desk drawer.

I reach in a remove a tube of dark pink lipstick, still curved to the form of her soft lips, even after all this time. I turn the lipstick over in my hands, hoping something would happen. Instead I find myself dreaming of her again, of the first time we kissed, my hands around her waist, her lipstick leaving messy trails on my face. I close my eyes and I can feel her again, her nails leaving marks down my back, her breath warm on my cheek the first time she said she loved me. I wanted that again, wanted to hold her and kiss her and cherish her, but she wouldn't let me. She was pushing me away, more worried about me getting hurt than her own health. _Some things never change_.

I put the lipstick in my pocket and reach into the drawer, removing the only other object, a little leather-bound notebook tied shut neatly with a bow. I pull on one end and the cover falls open with a creaking sound. I leaf through the pages and quickly determine that all of the pages are filled. Some pages have small drawings and doodles, but most have writing. I stop on a page about halfway through the book and start reading.

~oOo~

_March 16, 2015 _

_1652 hours_

_Andy and I are going to dinner again tonight and I'm nervous. We still haven't talked about our relationship(?), and I feel like he's distancing himself from me. I don't know what to say or do to tell him how I really feel, it's all so complicated. Maybe we'll go back to being friends. I hope so._

~oOo~

I flip to the next page and start reading again, surprised that this was Sharon's big secret.

~oOo~

_March 16, 2015_

_2109 hours_

_Dinner was amazing. We started talking again and it was just like normal, we talked about Nicole, Rusty, and the case we closed earlier. I didn't realize how much I missed his conversation. When we left the restaurant Andy drove me home. He opened the car door for me and my high heel broke, I tripped and landed in his arms. He was so warm, and I felt safe and protected. I wanted to kiss him but I couldn't. We're coworkers, it's wrong. But I think I'm falling for him. I don't know what to do._

~oOo~

I chuckle and close the book, remembering that night. She was breathtaking, as usual, but something about the dim parking lot lights and holding her in my arms made it real for me, the idea that I loved her. I already knew what the next page would say.

~oOo~

_March 17, 2015_

_1828 hours_

_He kissed me. Just like that. We finally caught Stroh and he just came up and kissed me! I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away. I feel awful. I have to call him later and apologize. We really need to talk. We were both wrong and I hope everything works out._

~oOo~

I remember that night like it was yesterday. She called me and came to my apartment after work. Before I could even open the door all the way she was kissing me and undoing my tie, pressing me up against the wall and laughing into my mouth when I hit my head on a picture frame. That night we made love for the first time and I woke with her in my arms, her bare skin soft and warm against mine. That's when I knew we would last forever, when I knew I would marry her and cherish her for all that she was.

I flip to the last page of the book and sigh, seeing the date.

~oOo~

_December 18, 2024_

_0935 hours_

_I went to the doctor again today and the outlook is grim. The cancer spread to my lungs and there's nothing they can do. The doctor said I'll have six more months if I'm lucky, but I told Andy and the kids that I had about a year. I couldn't let them know I'm running out of time, I want to die on my own, without them smothering me. It's been a great life and I'm glad I found Andy and Rusty when I did._

~oOo~

No. Why didn't she tell me?! I yell and smash my fist on the desk without even thinking about it. _God dammit, Sharon! _I close my eyes and rest my face in my hands, trying to understand what I just read. I quickly pick up my jacket and head for the elevator when my phone rings.

"Flynn."

"Hey Andy, it's me."

"Rusty, what's up kid?" _Couldn't the elevator move any faster_?

"I just-" His voice breaks, "I just went to see Mom and she- she told me to tell you to read the book and that she loves you, okay?"

"Rusty is she okay?" I feel my heart get caught in my throat just thinking about her being gone, "Rusty?"

"Andy?" I hear her voice faintly on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah sweetheart?" I'm crying as I rush to the car and fumble with the keys.

"Read the book in my desk drawer, please? I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was happening. You aren't mad, are you?" I hear her start coughing and I wish I could drive faster.

"No Sharon, I'm not mad. I love you, okay?" Tears are getting stuck in my eyes and it's getting hard for me to see, "I'll be home in a few minutes, wait for me, please sweetheart?"

"Andrew Flynn, I love you." She starts coughing and I hear Rusty fumbling in the background.

"Drink." Rusty commands and I hear her refuse as she continues to cough.

"Sharon-" My voice comes out no louder than a whisper and I smack the steering wheel in frustration, "Sharon!"

The coughing stops and I have never felt more empty in my entire life, "Andy?" Rusty is sobbing, "Andy what do I do?"

"I don't know." She's gone, Sharon O'Dwyer Raydor Flynn, my love, my life, and my best friend, taken from me.

I pull up at the condo and jump from the car before it is fully stopped, running up the three flights of stairs and bursting through the door. I run to the bedroom and see Rusty holding her in his arms, a glass of water and her pills sprawled across the floor.

"Sharon." I whisper and brush a strand of greying hair from her face, kissing her forehead, "Sharon I love you."

Really kind of a depressing story, I know, but I had an idea and I went with it. The mystery of Raydor's drawer is finally solved :')


End file.
